23 Mar Q&A on ‘Bringing Up Children’
The topic for the Hindi Satsang on Sunday, 16th March, 2014 was ‘Bringing Up Children.’
Following is the transcript of the Q & A between the audience and Dr. Jayadeva and Smt. Hansaji J. Yogendra.
Listen to the audio:
Q. Our son is 20 years old. Usually he comes home late at night.
Dr. J: See, at the age of 20, I think you should give some liberty to him. You can’t go on insisting like to a child of 8 or 10 that he comes home early.
Smt. H: We should have such a good friendship with our children that they can come home and share what they are up to and you can also share in their happiness instead of giving advise all the time about what is right and wrong. These days children are very intelligent and know what is right and wrong. So it is better not to force and advise them, rather maintain a friendly atmosphere at home and joint management, then everything will be safe and there will be no need to worry.
Q. We are both atheists who have strong value systems. Do you think religion is necessary to imbibe good values?
Dr. J: Don’t only think of atheism and theism. Whether they can behave in a gentle manner, whether they can maintain a certain normal courtesy, that is more important.
Smt. H: Atheism and theism are words that we should never use. We believe religion is not that important, spirituality is important. The basic essence of religion is important. Pay more attention to what each religion is actually trying to say rather than just going to church or temples, namaz, etc. Inculcate values of speaking the truth, ahimsa, non-stealing, tolerating and respecting others. That is why, don’t emphasize on religion. Follow yoga and you will understand all religions.
Q. We have two sons, one is 23 and the other 20. All four of us have difference of opinion in any subject. What should be done?
Dr. J: Listen to each person.
Smt. H: Listen to all. I always give Roosevelt’s example. He heard one party and agreed to them. Then he heard the opposing party and agreed to them too. His wife criticized him for doing so and he agreed with her too and left the matter at that. So listen well to all, understand them and then let go without any strong emphasis.
Q. Despite being very tidy, leading by example and teaching by kind level-headedness and some sterness, my children keep their room very untidy. I now say ‘I will not enter your room as it is untidy.’ Is that wrong?
Dr. J: No, it is very correct.
Smt. H: It’s right. In bringing up children sometimes we have to use methods of ‘Saam, Daam, Danda, Bhed’, i.e. sometimes force, sometimes love, stubbornness, etc needs to be used. So till the age of 12 this is very necessary and should be done.
Q. How to introduce spirituality to children as they are unable to understand at a very young age?
Dr. J: We should not use the words ‘spirituality’ and ‘religion’ with kids. They will get scared. Put across some good things which they can also understand.
Smt. H: Right and responsible behaviour, respecting work, respecting people who are helping you to work, humanity can be inculcated in them.
Q. I try my best to do my duty to live up to my wife’s expectations. But she is never happy. I will continue to do so, what else can I do? I am happy with her.
Dr. J: You keep on with the same old habits. Try to be correct, do the right thing, even if she sometimes doesn’t do it, it doesn’t matter.
Smt. H: It is wrong to do something just to please the other person. Just do your duty. And since you are doing your duty, you are happy. You are doing the right things. You just need to show your sincerity and love from your side. Then it does not matter whether she is happy or unhappy with it.
Satsang is an open meeting held every Sunday from 9:30 to 10:30 am at The Yoga Institute, Santacruz East, Mumbai. It involves an interesting presentation to the public, made by the students of the Teacher Training Course. Each week, a new presentation of a Yogic concept is made in a simple way through skits and decoration for the general public, followed by a short speech from our Gurus, Dr. Jayadeva and Smt. Hansaji Yogendra.