29 May How to Really Forgive
We all want truth, honesty, respect, love and forgiveness. However, when it comes to giving, we are not so open to the idea. Ponder over it. We are so quick to judge and lash out when things don’t go our way. In the epic Mahabharata, every time the ending is revealed that Kauravas went to Heaven after death- It is questioned why they went to heaven. People discount the fact that they lost everything in the battle of Kurukshetra and even their lives. I mean shouldn’t that be enough. Also what about the remorse that was shown by them at the end? How to really forgive? And do we really forgive?
So the question is we mere mortals how do we forgive and move on. Many instances of cheating spouses, harsh, judgmental comments, fights over property, ego tussles etc. we all have gone through it at some point in time right? So why and how to really forgive and where do we really begin?
Just as we need forgiveness don’t you think we need to give the same to others? Now important part how to start forgiving and why forgiving is essential.
- Move on and stay connected to your inner voice/spirit
To forgive is not so easy. But forgiving is not forgetting. We need to forgive for our own peace of mind and spiritual growth. Learn to embrace the good, bad and ugly and move on. The faster you learn to forgive the better. More time you waste over not forgiving the negative energy harbours within causing more damage to you.
- Stop blaming others and look for answers within.
Allow the situation to unfold. Do not entertain negative thoughts and vibes. Stop blaming others, and this does not mean you start blaming yourself. Approach unpleasant situation and people with a balanced state of mind. Pranayamas help since breathing and thought processes are connected.
- Avoid changing people
People are capable of making their own choices in life. Avoid telling people what to do. Any situations try to listen rather than saying.
- Go with the flow like water
Soften your approach and gestures. Be open to contrary opinions and respect each person’s opinion. Different does not automatically mean bad. Interfere less; try listening instead of directing and telling. When you give up interfering and become like a stream of water flowing gently and unobtrusively. Keep your flow like water and watch how your relationships change.
- Take Responsibility for Your Part
Acknowledge the fact that each one is responsible. More than often it’s not the situation but how we react makes all the difference.
- Learn to Let Go
The general response is an unending detailing about why and how the other person has wronged you and is unreasonably in their behaviours, with somewhat like, “I have a right to be upset with my daughter/ mother-in-law/ sister-in-law/ husband/ boss, how dare he/she speak to me like that!” Now for once try to reverse this kind of thinking. Angers and irritations don’t just come from the conduct of the others, they survive and multiply because you’re unwilling to let go. Hence end the altercation with an offering of kindness, understanding and genuine forgiveness.
- Peace is more important than being right
If someone says something unkind or offensive avoid reacting immediately. Drink a glass of water, take few breathe and depersonalise and choose to respond objectively in kind. It is easier said than done but do try this. Willing and freely send energies of friendship, peace and forgiveness. Remember to do this for yourself. You would rather be at peace than right.
- Practice Benevolent Giving
In the midst of quarrels or disagreements, practice benevolent giving rather than taking. Giving embroils leaving the ego behind. Be a giver of forgiveness; bring love to hate, light to darkness, and pardon to injury.
- Be in the Present- Let go of the Past
We find it difficult because we do not really forgive. “As children, we were more respectful,” Here we are passing on the responsibility to the past. Lamenting and dedicating a vast amount of energy to the past. Live in the present. Every generation has had an equal amount of troubles and problems. Who are we to say we suffered more or they are suffering more?
- Learn from nature
Every animal, insect perhaps with the exception of Human most enjoy and live the moment. You can start by appreciating the beauty around you and your surroundings.
- The higher part of a plan
The universe or the higher divine system is all proof of the fact, that there are no accidents. Every kind of spiritual advancement in life is not a mere accident. Tough times like broken dreams, abuses, illness etc. all have a purpose as long as you are willing to learn. Stop thinking why me? Or how come it’s always me? Everything is a part of a higher plan we are mere small entities with limited means of comprehension.
Now that you have a hint on How to really forgive, start small with baby steps as explained above.
So next time you are dealt with unruly instances in life; turn around and say why not. Life becomes a spiritual journey with valuable lessons. Learn to meditate on loving forgiveness, and as they say, life is like a mirror so be sure to give your best and chances are bright that you receive exactly what you gave!