02 Dec Q & A at the Satsang (Mauna) on 2nd December 2012
The topic for the English Satsang on Sunday, 2nd December, 2012 was ‘Mauna’ (Silence).
Following is the transcript of the Q & A between the audience and Dr. Jayadeva Yogendra and Smt. Hansaji Yogendra.
Q. If we keep Mauna when the other person is angry and is expecting a reply from us, he / she may end up feeling we are not giving importance to his feelings.
Dr. Jayadeva: At least you can say “Yes Sir,” you can have a smile on your face, that thing you can do.
Smt. Hansaji: That’s why I made it very clear that in a householder’s life, when you have to say something, say it, but in very few words and only when the opposite person is in a listening state and you have given a thought to the whole thing. So this reaction and action we should stop. That’s it.
Q. In arguments, when a person is keeping Mauna, others are trying to prove they are right. How to handle this situation?
Dr. Jayadeva: You also clap, you see. You can make them feel that they are right.
Smt. Hansaji: An argument is an argument. Tell the other person feel they are right, what’s the problem in that? But if it is a situation where some decision is to be made, tell them that “I want to say something but I’ll talk tomorrow.” So, by that time, the other person will also settle down and you can also speak.
Q. How do I manage my anger and resentment towards my family members?
Dr. Jayadeva: Go to the bathroom and abuse them.
Smt. Hansaji: Remove your anger in some way. I always believe that anger has no place. If you think that the opposite person his justified for his behavior or his thinking, then anger doesn’t come. The person is right in their own way according to his/her intelligence, experiences, thinking, etc. So how can we say he/she is wrong? A dog will bark, a donkey will stand in one place. Anger comes when we have not accepted the other person as they are. And remember anger is harmful for us only. It reflects our ignorance and inability to manage. Strong people do not get angry, only the weak get angry.
Q. While practicing Mauna, can we interact in writing, if important, i.e. at work?
Dr. Jayadeva: Ya, writing would be a good substitute instead of talking.
Smt. Hansaji: Don’t clinically or literally use this term Mauna. We are householders and we are dealing with others. So if required, you have to say something, but it is always better to write. I remember there was a girl from Switzerland who had come here. She had lot of problems and wanted to talk to me. When talking, she kept repeating her problems. So I asked her to write about them and bring to me. When she wrote, it was just half a page. She realized that she was repeating her problems again and again. That is why writing is a better solution to speaking.
Q. It is said that when we are silent, we are the wrong ones. So how to handle the situation when we know we are right?
Dr. Jayadeva: See, we are never right or wrong. It’s all relative.
Smt. Hansaji: Let people understand what they want. I still feel that when we are communicating, a little smile, a relaxed approach is required. Don’t get hurt and yet control by remaining silent. That would cause more diseases. So react in a little different way. Tell them, I have a different opinion from what you said, and go away. Then if they want to know your opinion, they’ll ask.
Q. If a husband is always thinking the wife is wrong and trying to dominate her, do you think she should keep Mauna?
Dr. Jayadeva: She should clap.
Smt. Hansaji: If couples and families would patiently listen to each other’s view points, if they love and respect each other, there would be no problem. But this doesn’t happen and so it is better to write it down for them to read. Communication is necessary.
Q. When we have conflicts or issues in personal relations, should we confront the other person and speak out and discuss our problems?
Dr. Jayadeva: See, if you are clever, then you should try to put the idea in a manner that is acceptable to the others. It can be humorous, put in some jokes.
Smt. Hansaji: And before all such things, first, let there be any amount of discords, don’t be in a hurry to sort out these discords immediately. First, bring some good will, a happy atmosphere in the family, only then can discussions happen. But if both are rigid, speaking anything would not be right. First show that you care for each other, you love and understand each other and then say what you want to say. Immediate reaction should be avoided.
Q. Hansaji, you said that if you are disturbed by emotions, practice Mauna, don’t bring it in words. But is also said that by sharing your problems and unhappiness, you feel relieved. They increase if they are kept bottled up.
Dr. Jayadeva: Share among your friends. Not with the one with whom you have an argument.
Smt. Hansaji: To share your unhappiness, first find a happy person. Here everyone is unhappy and has some or other pain. If you come out and say you have a problem, someone else will say they have a bigger problem. So that way, you are going to increase your problem. These things can be shared only with a person who is balanced, level headed and happy. Share happiness more.
Q. What is the purpose of life?
Dr. Jayadeva: I am also thinking on that.
Smt. Hansaji: Everyone has to find out for themselves. What is your short term and long term purpose?