14 Jan Q & A on Sanskaras (Values) at the Satsang, 13th Jan 2013
The topic for the Hindi Satsang on Sunday, 13th January, 2013 was ‘Sanskaras.’ (Values)
Following is the transcript of the Q & A between the audience and Dr. Jayadeva Yogendra and Smt. Hansaji Yogendra.
Smt. H:For this, one needs good Sanskaras from beforehand so that in both good and bad times, a person will walk the right path. And so it is necessary to work hard beforehand. And during such times, the mind becomes disturbed, depressed, anxious, etc. and then we depend on psychiatrists, doctors, sleeping pills, etc. And so, it is important that whenever we have time, we should think good things, do good deeds, meet good people, listening to good things. If we keep dong these things at a good time, then it will benefit us in bad times.
Dr. J: Well, we cannot have an ideal kind of society. We have to ourselves pick up and integrate some good things.
Smt. H: See, society is how it is. There is nothing like an ideal. But still there are good things in society too. There are good people and good thoughts out there. We will have to do a little hard work to find the right kind of people and pick up the good things.Q. Spare the rod and spoil the child. Is this good or bad for Sanskaras in children?
Dr. J: Well rod does not have to mean a stick. Rod can mean some strong statements and such external things that can influence children. Not necessarily beating.
Smt. H: This kind of thinking that we should not allow the child to do anything wrong and should beat the child to keep it on the right track, can lead to the child can getting used to beatings and it stops making a difference to them. This is a wrong method. What would be better is to apply other ways. Punishment is one way, but it does not mean hitting, it can be done by speaking also. Other ways like explaining lovingly, barter, scientific explanations can be used. These days children understand why you say ‘No’ if you explain to them properly. Just ordering them around will not work in modern times. We have to try in many different ways.
Q. How do we know the difference between right and wrong?
Dr. J: There is no weighing scale available to measure that. A person has to think and decide for themselves.
Smt. H: Those things which increase your Klesas– Ego, attachment, hatred, selfishness, etc. are wrong. Those things which reduce Klesas are right. In any way, many times we realize the difference in right and wrong after mistakes have been made. At least learn from the mistakes. As long as we are on the path of progress, there is no fear. These days man is scared of making mistakes. Mistakes are going to occur. If you get slightly burnt when trying to make roti, it does not mean you stop making roti. Learn from the mistakes and find the solution.
Q. Don’t earlier days’ Sanskaras create problem in today’s world?
Dr. J: No. If a person has absorbed the Sanskaras, understood them, thought on them, believed in them, watched and observed others, if such work has been done then Sanskaras will help.
Smt. H: Sanskaras do not create any problems. The problem arises when we try to impose our Sanskaras (values) on others. When you expect others to think or behave in the same way or to change, that is where the mistake lies. In old times, there were a few Sanskaras that were wrong, like Dowry system, etc. But in these times, old and new Sanskaras do not matter. What appeals to you, and you find right for your personality, you can adopt.
Q. As you said, Sanskaras are learnt in childhood. But is it possible that we learn Sanskaras from our in-laws?
Dr. J: Any source is good enough. We have to learn and evaluate and then decide.
Smt. H: Why not? I will have to understand the Sanskaras of the home I marry into. I always tell girls that when they are marrying into a new family, they should leave all their old thinking behind. Start learning everything afresh. Majority of your life is now going to be spent in this house and it has to be according to the Sanskaras of this house. There is no question of comparison. And when we are in a learning state, there will never be a problem with in-laws.